One of my favorite holes of the internet to fall into is the productive ASMR hole. I am in my most relaxed state when I’m watching monotonous videos of people taking food out of its perfectly suitable packaging and placing it (with a clink) into clear plastic containers that somehow fit every contour of their fridge. Or the journaling ones. A drawer opens to reveal more pastel highlighters than one person could ever use in a lifetime. And of course the morning routines: aesthetic video-collages of someone getting up at 5 am, going for a run, doing a nine step skin care routine, drinking sponsored green juice, and pulling out the entire apple ecosystem to work from home (their job is tiktok).
There’s a reason these videos go viral, and it’s not just because of the nice scratchy highlighter sounds. Everyone loves the illusion of productivity. Some of the videos are outright instruction manuals — “how to get your life together by 2023!” The internet-appointed term for this mindset (grindset?1) is “that girl.2” Being “that girl” is all about becoming a more efficient version of yourself and making your life look like a pinterest board in the process. Basically, harnessing your full materialistic potential and becoming a slave to grind culture.
The obvious problem with the clean, productive aesthetic is that it’s just that: an aesthetic. It doesn’t exist without someone filming themselves and editing it and posting it on social media. I saw one video with a clip of a car driving away from a house. I’m obsessed with the implication that they set their phone up in the driveway, drove partially down the road, and then drove back to get their phone.
I love this video of a dietician giving her nutritional input on the “that girl” breakfast. She says, “This looks delicious, but the concept of it being a ‘that girl’ breakfast is cringy as fuck. This is just yogurt, granola, and fruit with some very pretty lighting. It says nothing about what kind of girl you are. It’s literally just fucking food.” And she was so real for that. Her message also applies to non-food activities. Waking up earlier, cleaning, working out — none of these habits define your character. I started lifting 5 days a week and I can tell you that I haven’t changed at all as a person (other than having bigger muscles). These habits may be healthy, but they don’t provide genuine insight into your character.
Being a more productive person has become synonymous with being a better person. “Be the best version of yourself” is used almost exclusively in regards to working hard and reaching your full material potential. Tackling your goals and not looking back, being on the grind day in and day out. All of this is fine, but it’s merely one aspect of your life. It’s not the same thing as being caring or virtuous or warm or generous or any other traits that make you a good friend and human.
I don’t really like new year’s resolutions. One, because the gyms are mobbed wall-to-wall during January and February. But two, because they’re more about being productive than about being a better person. When I think about setting goals for the new year, my mind jumps to pastel highlighters and minimalistic bullet point journals tracking water intake (who has time for that?).
But if you are a new year’s resolution maker, I urge you to set some goals centering around your hobbies or mental health instead of endlessly striving to be a more efficient version of yourself. You’re not the latest iphone. Happy holidays! :)
just looked this up. shocked and dismayed to find out this is already a commonly used term
i believe the counterpart to “that girl” is sigma male but i am not as well acquainted with him
This post reminds me of why I quit TikTok. Loved it.
Thankyou for writing this. This toxicity to induce a false positivity definitely does more harm than good.